Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
