I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
