I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize