What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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