Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
