Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
