A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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