I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
