dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
50% drunk capacity currently
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
