Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
