While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
