Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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