I think I am morally bankrupt
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
