I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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