nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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