Sry I called you an 8
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
