this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
