$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
