I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
