watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
