just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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