It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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