And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
