Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
