I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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