just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
