remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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