would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
