As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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