A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
