Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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