When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize