Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
