My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
