Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
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You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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