I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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