they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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