Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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