and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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