Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
