just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
