You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
