it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
