His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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