My Higher Power is John Stamos
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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