There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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