That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
