We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She bit a glass in half.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
