i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
