This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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