I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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