I can tuck mytits in my pants
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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