More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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