She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
