A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
