You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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