I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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