i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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