Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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