You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
