I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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