I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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