so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
