just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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