is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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