Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
