My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
