I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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