Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
