I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
