I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
