dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
