I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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