Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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