Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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