just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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