So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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